Oh such a sight.....beh, WHO CARES?

As you all know, I am becoming secretly addicted to my local gym, actually having quite an intimate affair with treadmill #3 at least 4 times a week. (P., it seems, has never been THAT lucky!!!!!)

I have taken to leaving work and going straight to the gym. Trust me, if I should go home, my body instinctively heads for the bed and the remote and I am toast for the remainder of the evening. Sad, but true.

I change out of my "9 to 5's" and like Superman, put on my "work-out" duds, and am transformed. No longer Marge 40-something quickly on her way to 50-something...........Nope. I become "SUPER MARGE OF THE TREADMILL" able to motor at 4.2mph at a 6.0 incline!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH.

I get so lost within the lyrics (usually of Eminem) that I forget where I am and most importantly what I'm doing. I actually caught myself drumming to the music yesterday. eesh. I'm sure the cyclists DIRECTLY behind me were simultaneously chuckling and thanking God that I was not THEIR mother. Again,eesh. But that feeling is oh so fleeting......Because I am no longer 30-something and therefore, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT People are thinking!!!!

So you see all you "grasshoppers" out there......growing "older" does have its advantages.

"I" am back. but different.

OK. I know I haven't "blogged" for a long time.

Been in a funk of sorts.

It's never good when your heart is not quite "right", when your place in the world feels unsteady under your feet.

Being, of a "certain" age comes with so many disclaimers, for lack of a better term.
1) I am MUCH wiser than I was 10 years ago.
AND YET........
I went over 2 months not speaking with one of the most important people in my life. Hmph, I really should know better.

2) I am much "calmer" than I was 10 years go.
AND YET........
I hear the trepidation in the voices of my loved ones when they must question something I have said and or done. Who knew that menopause could instill such fear????? Funny, this leaves me feeling more "powerless" than "powerful".

3) I am much more aware of my year of birth. Certainly more than I was 10 years ago.
AND YET..........
It reminds me daily that I have already LIVED most of my life and that it really IS downhill from here. I mean that in terms of years, not quailty of life. I refuse to let "things go" that I really want to experience. Cannot deny this new/older
"me" of anything these days.

4) I am alot "fitter" than I was 10 years ago.

AND YET.................
The scale does not reflect any decrease in the ridiculously obnoxious number that appears beneath my feet. AND I DON'T CARE. Now, THAT is certainly different.

5) I am realistic, pragmatic in the way I look at lifespan.
AND YET................
It seems lately that I know a disproportionate number of people who are either ill, dying or dead. And this still surprises me. I think Id better get used to this new theme in my life. The adult in me just realizes that this is the natural blah, blah, blah, but the kid in me thinks that IT SUCKS. BIG time.

6) I am more "accepting" of most things, especially myself.
AND YET..................
I cringe when I see my fat little face (to match my fat and fit body) in every photograph I see) and yet I will not "NOT" have that piece of deep dark decadent moist frosted chocolate cake.

So you see, all this to say that the older we get, things get clearer.
And muddy things, well, they just get muddier.

.....someone saved my life tonight......

WRINKLES is safe!!!!

Ca had major water damage to anything on the floor, but most of her belongings are still intact. Especially "Wrinkles". She is thrilled beyond words.

She is still homeless, per say, her building is inhabitable and set for demolition.

Still a tragedy, but no human life was taken, and no stuffed life either.

Phew.

.....a journey of 1000 miles.....

Up in smoke.

Ca lost her home. In a fire. Its all gone. Everything.

Ca is the daughter of one of my very nearest and dearest friends, (more like a surrogate sister actually.)

My heart is broken for Ca.

Yes, we have all tried to soothe her with platitudes of hope and gratitude that she was safe and unharmed. And yes, Ca. understands all that.

But she lost her home. HER HOME.

Ca is like her mother who is like me. WE LOVE OUR HOMES. Nothing is happenstance. We have painstakingly decorated every nook and cranny to reflect exactly who we are. This young woman had just begun her journey into "adulthood", "independence" "freedom of expression" with the purchase of her very first home.

Ca has always prided herself with liking the "finer" things in life. It was a source of amusement for all who know and love her. We often chided Ca about being a little "princessy" and having filet mignon taste on a hamburger budget.

So when I spoke to her this morning, I was surprised to hear her mourn the loss of "Wrinkles" above all else. Wrinkles? Yup. WRINKLES. A stuffed doggie given to her from her maternal Nonno when she was 3 years old who has since passed. "Everything else, I can replace." Sob.

In that moment, Ca WAS 3 again. I wanted to put on my Superman cape and fly around the earth and turn back time, if only to save Wrinkles. I wanted to crawl through my telephone line and hug her with all my might and tell her everything would be OK.

Sometimes being a grown-up sucks.

Ca will survive. Dare I say she may even be better, stronger, wiser.

Still, all in all, the whole situation just sucks.

A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime.

A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or
a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you
will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is
usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have
come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide yo
with guidance and support, to aid you physically,
emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a
godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason
you need them to be.


When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .
Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount
of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.


LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things
you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional
foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love th
person, and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life. It is said
that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.


Author unknown



I like this saying.

I believe I have had many reasons and even more seasons in my life. I am thankful for them all.

I have also learned that I too have reasons and seasons to offer. Sometimes it's nice to don the baseball bat instead of always wearing the catchers mitt. Understand?


Maybe it's because of the work I do. I usually carry someone elses bat, or go to bat for them, but there I be, catchers mitt at my feet.

It's so much easier to catch than to bat.


My R just ended a season in her life......She was tired of batting and wants to catch for awhile. Some people go their entire lifetime and never figure out how to balance both. Good for R. Wants someone to see the glass half-full, like she does.....

I am proud of my R. In so many ways, she is a better, new and improved version of the original. I like R, most of the time, anyways. She can bat one out of the park, as well as catch a mean curve-ball.


Hang in there R, you're at the bottom of the ninth, a new game is just around the corner kiddo.

M
xx

He aint heavy.....

Sorry for bringing you down.

It's just good to vent sometimes, that's all.

Not 1 hour after my tale of woe hit the internet super-highway, I received a comment quickly followed by a phonecall from my beloved C.  Then my oldest friend in the world (and I mean this in the NICEST way K.) read my blog and called.

Once again I am reminded of just how blessed I really am, baggage and all........

"Life is not about how well you have weathered the storm, It's about how well you danced in the rain"

I've got alot to dance about!


(Dancing IS exercise, right C?)  ;)

Mister, can you lend a hand.

The December "folly" is over and finally paid for.  (amen) 

January "blues" done.

February "crazy-back-home-for Mom's-bday-mad rush"   fini.

OK March.  SO far, I must say you've been a bit of a roller-coaster.  It feels like all I hold dear is testing me.  There is discord in my world.  Things I hold VERY near and dear are tangled, short-circuiting all around me.  

I have decided to forge onward, trudging if I have to.   I will happily carry my baggage and will even lend a helping hand to someone who needs to give their arms a break from their heavy load, but I cannot-must not-WILL not,  pretend to be strong enough to carry it all.     I know what weight I can bear and what's just too heavy.  I am dropping the baggage I cannot carry as of today.

Feels mighty good..........lighter.

....AND not a craving in sight!  NO, not even for chocolate cheesecake!  HA!