Im off tonight to Calgary to transfer ownership of my son. NOT literally-but nonetheless, that IS how it feels.
I have been living a world of "paralells". I do the mundane, almost robotic....you know, the laundry, getting up and getting ready for work, making dinner, brushing my teeth etc....and then, I find myself talking in tongues about "transferring legal guardianship". Huh? Transferring what? Of who? NEVER in a million years, did I think THOSE words would trot out of my mouth-certainly not about one of MY own....my flesh and blood. Oh no, not MY family. This stuff happens to, well, you know, "those" families. We all know the ones I mean.
The funniest thing that has happened during this twilight zone period in my life? My marriage is stronger than ever. We have truly found comfort and resolve in eachother again. We are on the same side. For once. I cannot even count the times we have been at odds over parenting. The endless dicussions come fights over the kids. The sleepless nights wondering if we have damaged them for life with our shortcomings. Did we give them too much discipline? Not enough praise? Maybe we should have taken them to Disneyland after all? And on and on it goes.
I know this for sure. Both P and I love, no, adore our j. If we thought that this move wasn't going to be the best possible solution for us at this time-we would not do it. Do we have reservations? Duh. Too mnay to list. But we have faith in both big J and little j. I know we made mistakes, some BIG ones too, but they were all bourne of love. And I can look in any mirror and say "I always tried my very best".
I will survive this week-end.
