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Friday, August 6, 2010

still alive and kickin'!

Sorry for the long pause.

As you can read, I survived the week-end I left behind my j.

As parents, sometimes we are forced to make decisions we never even imagined. Who could have predicted that my 16 year old son, would be happier living away from his loving parents with his 22 year old brother. IN ANOTHER PROVINCE. Certainly, I assure you, not I.

I tend not to lament. I learned that lesson the hardest way. The "what if" game is a waste of time, energy and just wounds your soul. All this to say that I do not regret the move we made 3 years ago from Calgary to Victoria. Believe me, it was not easy. We gave up tons.

I think however, the toll on my j was heaviest. He never said so. I guess I never really asked either. But somehow, my j changed. He got darker. More quiet. Spent too much time with his XBox and less time interacting with family and friends.

His former passions waned into obligations. His "heart" left the building.......

He was angry. Removed. Sad.

I am no stranger to the alien behavior of teenagers. j is my third, after all.

But most episodes are just that. They pass. You re-adjust and carry on. Sometimes you carry on with a limp, even a fracture, but somehow you all pick yourselves up and carry on.

For j, it was as if he was trying to carry on with a broken wing. No matter how much we allowed, restricted, bribed, punished, cajoled or hollered, he just wouldn't, or maybe couldn't least not with us...

Today, one month after he has flown the coop, so to speak, j is happy.

I am grateful to J. He is making a difference in his baby brothers life and doesn't really know how important what he is doing is yet. He is no longer a boy. He is a man. A good man. He has a good heart. As "parent" there is no greater accomplishment.

I am eternally grateful to family in Calgary. They are wise, gentle, accepting, and are lovingly teaching j how to fly on his own.

For my j, I am happy, for he is happy.

And, as a parent that is the bottom line.

What doesn't kill you only serves to make you stronger. Uh-huh.

I get it now,


  1. Oh ouch! This must be so painful for you....nothing like a child can cause such pain I think. I am glad though that he is thriving here and that you and P had the wisdom to let him fly so early from your nest.


  2. Amen sista. You made an amazingly selfless choice and we're all hoping that j thrives. Maybe in a weird twisted way J needed it too, who knows...maybe even G! xx