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Monday, October 5, 2009

Pssssst.... wanna go sky diving with me?

Came MIGHTY close to lighting up yesterday.

Everybody has buttons. Everybody has button "pushers". Some pushers are more powerful than others. My "pusher" is my beloved. He is an ace at my buttons. He has known them intimately for over 33 years....he knows them "by heart."

Here's the story.

We are transferring ownership of OUR car to our son who lives in Calgary. My "Beloved" drives to Calgary to make the drop off. Arrives safely. All's well.

Innocently I pick up my phone to place a "happy" call to check in on my 2 men now in Calgary. BIG mistake. "Beloved" has hit a roadblock with both the registration of the car and sons financial situation. Blame, like a pinball ball starts getting tossed about-from his corner, to mine, oops back to mine again, and there it stays, clanging every bell and whistle inside my head.

I INSTANTLY revert back into smoking mode. My inner-voice starts taunting me with "ahhhhhhhhhhh, you know, a cigarette would calm you right down right about now" "c'mon go ahead-who's gonna know?" "you can blame it all on Him" "you know you want to....".

I wanted to. REALLY wanted to.

But I didn't. And it passed.

I won that battle too. That makes 2 battles in as many weeks. 1 Social and 1 stress-induced.

Dare I say that maybe, just maybe, I have some of my bad habits a little "licked".

It'd be a long, scary fall all the way back down again.....the road back up would just be too damn hard.

And so today is yet another day I chose NOT to smoke.

Small victory, I know.

But it is mine. All mine.

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