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Sunday, September 27, 2009

Second semester.....grade A-

Well, I had my first dinner get together, complete with good wine, great food, dear friends, family, and NO cigarettes...................well, at least not for me.

It was a perfect fall day . The house was clean. No soccer games. Husband cleaning up the old potted plants, kids cleaning their rooms. All in all, the perfect day.

I always seem to invite friends and family to my table when I feel so contented. Somehow sharing the feeling helps to create a solid "memory". Don't ask me why. Probably can be explained by my Italian roots. Happiness=food. (but then again, ANY sentiment in an Italian household =food!)

Only after the menu was planned and the guests were invited did it occur to me that all but 1 person would be a non-smoker. YIKES.

What the hell am I going to do now?

Thoughts of parties passed floated through my head all afternoon. The nostalgia was intoxicating. I craved a cigarette. I would have sold my soul for one.

But I carried on, cooking, preparing for my guests, and wanting......

You know sometimes the anticipation is much worse than the actual event. Thankfully it was for me, this time, anyways. We drank, we ate, we laughed, and then THEY went out for their "after-dinner' smoke. Dread.

But you know, it wasn't so bad after all.

They're a considerate bunch. They went far away from me, so I could not see it or smell it. I busied myself with the clean-up ( come to think of it, NOT fair, since I did all the cooking!) but I digress.

All this to say that I passed test number 2. Maybe not with flying colors because I did let it corrupt my thoughts all afternoon, but I still didn't have nary a puff!!! To someone with absolutely no discipline, this is a milestone.

I also realize that just because I chose to quit, I cannot put it upon others not to indulge when in my presence. Something my beloved husband tried so hard to do last night. Although I appreciated the thought, I knew that I was the one who had to change not everyone around me.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm building character.


  1. Hey sista, sorry for not commenting on earlier posts, but you are clearly doing great in spite of the difficulty. You are living the courage of your convictions but are not afraid to admit that like the rest of us, you are only human. Keep it up and keep up the writing, you're a natural. Have you started that run/walking yet? Love you!!!

  2. Hi Marge - Carlito here; I love your blog and your writing, very engaging. Another good thing to come of quitting is your discovery of writting eh?

  3. Hi guys,

    Great talking with you this week-end Carlito! Thanks fr the encouraging words....and YES C. I walked/ran (well, if you call s l o w jogging for approx 40 seconds, running) this morning at 6:30 am!!!!!! I DID IT! baby step. You truly, are an inspiration to me on that front C. Congrats on the race. Where's the accompanying blog? Can't wait to read/see pics. Love you both, sista. xo

  4. It all begins with baby steps, 40 seconds today, 2 minutes tomorrow and so on and soon the endorphins will kick in, then it's a whole new day. Love ya Sista!