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Tuesday, September 22, 2009

By George, I think I've got it!

This may be premature, but something has definitely changed.

I told you about the triggers I feared- visiting family in Montreal, casino with my pal C, good wine good food.....

Well, I am happy to report that I was faced with my first "temptation" and didn't succumb. On Friday night C and I went casinoing (yay). We were there for 4 fun-filled hours. This outing usually translated into at least 6 or 7 cigarettes for me. I HAD NONE, zero, nil. I actually felt strong enough to accompany C outside and stand right beside her and not need even a puff. Honestly, it wasn't even that hard to do. THAT night. I am not foolish enough to think that other times will be just as easy for me.

I feel a bit like an empty water balloon. Weird comparison so let me explain.

You know how a balloon, water-filled or not, is round and light looking? Not until you try and pick it up would you know it was filled with water, right?

If you looked at me when I smoked, you would never know that my chest was laden down with what felt like gallons of water. When I breathed, I would sometimes wheeze like the air escaping the top of a balloon. I think I still looked healthy, but I knew. I knew that my body was screaming at me to please stop smoking. It was warning me that I was about to enter a new place without an escape route. Careful lady, that balloon's gonna give.........


I am finally listening to that inner voice-my health.

I know you've always been there, but I never needed to pay much attention before. I was feeling rather super-human. Ha!

I'm listening. Be patient with me.

I know there's a heart in there that needs more than hugs, kisses and an occasional soppy love story to beat a little faster. I hear its faint cries too now.....

I know the right thing to do, now I just have to do it.

baby steps.........

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